Sharknado: The Franchise Where the CGI Doesn’t Improve 🦈🌪️
I wasted 548 minutes (~9 hours) of my life, so you don’t have to.
With shark week coming up (July 26 - August 01), here is the perfect franchise. 🦈🌊
Do you spend too much time doom scrolling or watching Youtube. Well look no further, this is the perfect franchise to waste 9 hours of your life. Over the course of six days (June 30 - July 05), I watched a Sharknado movie a night. Yes, this was of my own free will. I was committed to the bit, one could say.
If you have not heard of the franchise, it is a series of 6 main films about a weather phenomena of sharknados = shark + tornados. These films are cult B-movies. It also includes spin-offs and other related media. Here are the three main characters: Fin Shepard (Ian Ziering) and April Wexler (Tara Reid) who are married. Well in film one they are separated, but they get back together, and they remain together for the rest of the film. Nova Clarke (Cassandra Scerbo) who works with Fin at his bar, and she survied a shark attack when she was a child. She hates sharks because they killed her grandfather.
So without further ado, let’s discuss the franchise!
🚨Spoilers ahead🚨
Let’s be honest… you aren’t missing much.
🎥 Sharknado 🎥
🗓️ Release Year: 2013
🍿 MPA Rating: Not Rated
⌚ Duration: 86 Minutes
📝 IMDB Description: When a freak hurricane swamps Los Angeles, nature’s deadliest killer rules sea, land, and air as thousands of sharks terrorize the waterlogged populace. See Full IMDB Page
🎬 Letterboxd Review: Literally so ridiculous. It’s funny, and it’s a lot more gory than I thought. The acting was eh, but it had Ian in it lol. I love how Fin conveniently gets eaten by the same shark that ate Nova, and she somehow survives.
💬 Favorite Quotes: “Why is there a retirement home next to an airport? Because old people can’t hear.”
📼 Letterboxd Rating: 1.8/5
🥤 IMDB Rating: 3.3/10
✨ My Rating: 2.5 ⭐
💭 Additional Thoughts: Honestly the first film was probably the best film in the franchise. It is clear that this is a B type of movie. It has some humor, some drama, some gore, some heroic action, and some cliche lines.
🎥 Sharknado 2: The Second One 🎥
🗓️ Release Year: 2014
🍿 MPA Rating: TV-14
⌚ Duration: 95 Minutes
📝 IMDB Description: A freak weather system turns its deadly fury on New York City, unleashing a Sharknado on the population and its most cherished, iconic sites - and only Fin and April can save the Big Apple. See Full IMDB Page
🎬 Letterboxd Review: So many famous people in this one. Yikes on Jared from Subway. Thought the plot wasn’t too bad. April confuses me because she was like okay Fin I understand I’ll stay here, but then she snuck out the hospital to go find him. I feel like we didn’t get too much backstory on Fin and his sister. I love how Fin miraculously survives being sucked into a tornado. He also manages to kill multiple sharks while in the tornado, and of course he miraculously locates the shark that ate April’s arm. Her arm is also still intact and around the gun which still is able to fire. Idk why I’m looking for logic in this movie… it’s about a shark… tornado. Forgot people got sucked out a plane and Fin landed it fine. Also why did the three women jump in the garbage truck and drive straight when the statue of liberty’s head was right behind them the whole time. Like drive to the side???
💬 Favorite Quotes: “Holy sh…ark”
📼 Letterboxd Rating: 1.9/5
🥤 IMDB Rating: 4.0/10
✨ My Rating: 2 ⭐
💭 Additional Thoughts: This was the start of me disliking April. This sentiment continues throughout the franchise and don’t worry she’s in EVERY film. April does lose her hand in this film. I thought the plot wasn’t too bad. It was semi-believable… for a film about a sharknado. There was a good amount of celebrity cameos in the film.
🎥 Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! 🎥
🗓️ Release Year: 2015
🍿 MPA Rating: TV-14
⌚ Duration: 93 Minutes
📝 IMDB Description: A monstrous tornado unleashes ravenous sharks from Washington, D.C., all the way down to Orlando, Florida. See Full IMDB Page
🎬 Letterboxd Review: So ridiculous. Imagine being eaten by a shark while on a roller coaster. They changed the actress for the daughter. The whole Today Show cast got eaten. The acting was so terrible. They went to SPACE wearing FOOTBALL PADS. April went while pregnant too. David Hasselhoff is Fin’s dad. She also magically gave birth in the shark with no issues while falling back down through the universe. Nova came back. Her poor partner lost all his limbs and blew himself up. April got crushed at the very end of the movie.
This movie feels like an ad for Xfinity.
The opening credits were pretty neat.
💬 Favorite Quotes: “How can they survive in space? How can they survive in a tornado?”
📼 Letterboxd Rating: 2.0/5
🥤 IMDB Rating: 4.1/10
✨ My Rating: 1 ⭐
💭 Additional Thoughts: This is where the franchise takes a turn for the worse. They go to off-brand Disney in Orlando. Here the daughter loses her phone, and the worker holds onto it for a while. He even holds onto after Fin and April asks if he has seen their daughter. Finally the worker was like oh yeah I have her phone after they said her location showed right there. IDK why this stuck with me, but omg this part was so dumb. The character’s always make such stupid decisions.
🎥 Sharknado 4: The 4th Awakens 🎥
🗓️ Release Year: 2016
🍿 MPA Rating: TV-14
⌚ Duration: 95 Minutes
📝 IMDB Description: Fin, his family and the cosmos have been blissfully sharknado-free in the five years since the most recent attack, but now sharks and tornadoes are being whipped up in unexpected ways and places. See Full IMDB Page
🎬 Letterboxd Review: Some familiar faces, some new characters, some reincarnations, some recasts. So many movie references.
They recast the son. They bring Gemini who is Fin’s cousin that I think they mentioned in one of the other films. April comes back as a bionic woman.
It’s been 5 years since the last ones bc they have advanced tech. The sharknados have evolved. At one point there is a nuclear sharknado.
One would think the CGI would get better but alas it simply ✨does not✨. The like to choose shots where from above something is normal, but then close up they be acting completely different.
Gil nearly got them killed because he had to run out of the shelter. RIP grandpa. Nvm he’s alive. There was sharkception. Gil took his baby chainsaw and saved everyone. They shock Fin’s heart with sharks.
Nova is in Paris so not seen until the end when she flies in on the Eiffel Tower.
💬 Favorite Quotes: “It wouldn’t be Texas without a chainsaw massacre.”
📼 Letterboxd Rating: 1.9/5
🥤 IMDB Rating: 3.9/10
✨ My Rating: 1 ⭐
💭 Additional Thoughts: April as a bionic woman is beyond ridiculous, but what do you expect for the franchise? Gil annoys me too, but I can understand why he makes some of the decisions he does. There is also a whole scene where a different shark eats a family member and the rest of the sharks eat the other shark.
🎥 Sharknado 5: Global Swarming 🎥
🗓️ Release Year: 2017
🍿 MPA Rating: TV-14
⌚ Duration: 93 Minutes
📝 IMDB Description: See Full IMDB Page
🎬 Letterboxd Review: Nova is back. They are in London. Gil puts on a shark helmet and stabs a shark with his head. He then gets sucked into the sharknado. Fin rides a shark into Buckingham Palace. There’s some secret cult of sisters. Gemini was recruited in it by Nova.
Why is there nuclear waste just hanging out on a boat? Yes let’s just bungee jump into the sharknado to get Gil.
Xfinity sponsor mention.
Sharkzilla in Japan. RIP Nova. Everyone died apparently — Claudia, Colonel, Matt, Grandma, Gil, Nova, Gemini.
Fin and April killed the Earth basically. April screamed entirely too much in this movie.
April absorbed too much energy and died. Now the world looks like an apocalypse, and there is only a few people left. Fin is carrying around April’s head. Gil shows up as an older man. He knows how to save everything which sets it up for the 6th film. The sharknado became a Time Machine.
💬 Favorite Quotes: “Oh my god. I just killed Brett Michaels.”
“Forgive me Father, for I am Fin.”
📼 Letterboxd Rating: 2.0/5
🥤 IMDB Rating: 3.8/10
✨ My Rating: 0.5 ⭐
💭 Additional Thoughts: Genuinely what did I watch??
🎥 The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time 🎥
🗓️ Release Year: 2018
🍿 MPA Rating: TV-14
⌚ Duration: 86 Minutes
📝 IMDB Description: Fin has to go back in time to rejoin his shark-battling friends to stop the first Sharknado and save humanity. See Full IMDB Page
🎬 Letterboxd Review: We got a new intro song.
Nova pisses me off.
Planet of the April.
Wraps up the franchise in a little bow. This should be the end.
💬 Favorite Quotes: “Let’s do the time warp again.”
“The British are throwing flying sharks at us.”
“My name is Nova Clarke, you killed me grandfather, prepare to die.”
📼 Letterboxd Rating: 2.1/5
🥤 IMDB Rating: 3.6/10
✨ My Rating: 0.5 ⭐
💭 Additional Thoughts: No more Sharknado movies ever again, please and thank you.
If you want to read more information about the films, there is an entire wiki dedicated to them. You can find it here.
Thanks for reading, and I’d love to hear your thoughts on the franchise!
Happy watching! 🍿
Until next time,
Don’t get eaten by a shark!
XOXO 💗 Joe